Just Like Every Day
This person has a very specific way for dressing up on dates. Whether their date will end up on a happy note (boing!) or not will determine what set of underpants they put on. If they’re going to see some action, you know they’re putting on the good stuff. If not, granny panties, it is.
But after being single for so long, the only set of underpants this person is going to wear is a grocery bag they found on a freeway a long, long time ago. Yeah, we’re sorry about your losing streak, but here’s the upside. You don’t have to wash your dirty grocery bag!